Archive for January, 2009

A Switcheroo

January 31, 2009

It’s no big secret-my parents got stupider and stupider once I turned 12. They apex-ed around my 16th, and since there was no where to go but up, they became increasingly wiser, slowly but surely until I can finally admit, they were brilliant by the time I was 25.

And P.S. It is no coincidence that at age 12, I became more and more brilliant etc…

I had wonderful parents. They were dedicated to their family, taught me to be moral, and say please and thank you. Their job was done by my12th birthday.

All the damage, I did to myself whilst I was in my most brilliant phase from 12 to 18.

I’ve had a long, long time to think about this, and I’ve had the pleasure of watching other people’s kids experience the same phenomena. (No,no, not mine). (?!)

I thought there must be some solution: A SWITCHEROO. Everyone should get a new set of parents at age 12. Preferably “cool” strangers. I think I would have done well with Elvis and Priscilla and my parents would have knocked some sense into their Lisa Marie. (and don’t write and remind me that my chronology is wrong…I’m just thinking).

Today, all kids should turn out perfectly. There’s TV and numerous talk shows that tell them what to do, how to do it, and how to fix it, if by some misfortune they mess it up.

There’s OPRAH, DR. PHIL, DR. RUTH, MARTHA, JUDGE JUDY, and last but not least, JESUS. (I purposely put Him last, because He’s forgiving.) If any of them had been my SWITCHEROO parents, I would have gotten much smarter, much faster.

All of the above (except maybe Elvis), are people I would have looked up to, good role models, with sterling advice that I would have followed to the letter. Obediently.

Well, NOW, I listen to all of them, but it’s a little too late for Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth, Martha & Judge Judy to actually affect my daily life, but they are all entertaining and informative.

Jesus on the other hand, may have a message for me.

A January Forecast

January 13, 2009

It’s January again. Number 66 for me. Some Januaries have been more memorable than others, but in my wildest dreams, I can’t seem to name more than 10. It’s a fact then: Perception is different than fact.

I wonder if our entire lives are a bit like that. YIKES! I don’t really want to think about that. Well, maybe a little bit…

The weather is brutally cold and this year, it’s been more unpredictable. We haven’t been able to plan very much as the weather keeps us from keeping all those wild and wonderful plans. 🙂

My birthdays: One year, a friend gave me tickets for 4 to see Rita McNeil. 3 of the 4 concert goers had to turn around and head home in a white-out. I roped an acquaintance into coming to the show with me and called my daughter and her beau to join us. (They were in their early 20’s, so I actually had to beg them.) The show was very good. I got a parking ticket and a few gray hairs skidding through the snowy city streets and expressways, and vowed to never try to celebrate my January birthday again. This is one of the 10 birthdays I can actually remember, so the other 9 may be similar. But it doesn’t matter, at least, I had my girls in May and August, so they weren’t destined to  life long disappointment.

My 14th birthday.There was a school dance the night of my birthday and I came down with the mumps. The mumps! Fever, sick as a dog, determined to go to that dance, but I just couldn’t get up. Unfair? I thought I was scarred for life. At 14, that was about 2 days…

My 21st- It felt special but we were just too poor to celebrate. We were probably snowed in anyway.

My 50th- My Company gave me a Concord watch, to celebrate my sales performance of  the previous year. Nice. Later that day, I took a leave of absence for 2 weeks, suffering from high blood pressure and nervous exhaustion.

My 55th- 1998 Ice Storm. We were in the dark triangle for 21 days. Seriously, can it get any worst than that? (See my January 2008 post for Ice Storm details)

I’ll run out of brain cells…or readers before I recall any more. I refuse to complain though.


Where ever you are in the world, whenever your birthday is on the calendar or in the climate~

Enjoy your special day, know that you are a special person, a one-of-a-kind!



January 2010 : This year I had a colonoscopy on my birthday! (Beat that!)